Tuesday, November 29, 2011

You Lose It All

I cannot remember from where i started writing, what was the reason and what i wrote. It just came to me one fine day when i sat down thinking to pen down my feelings and i went on and on for hours. There was so much to say as if i had a whole different world within me which i couldn't express when i talked but writing became my language of the things my tongue wasn't able to comprehend. I began writing almost everyday filling down, scribbling in every empty page infront of me. It was amazing.

I soon realized how much love was inside of me, what love meant to me. Since i never had any girlfriend or anything i had a vivid imagination of that one girl, one amazing girl which would come in my life and against all the odds i would marry her. I've been the kind who when sees a girl and falls for her and picturize the whole future. It is stupid and idiotic but back then that was the kind of imagination and mentality i had. I wrote and wrote more and more about that one girl, how much i would love her, keep her safe and treat her like a princess. It went on and on and on.

Then came a girl along, oh how do i describe her ?
She was my picture perfect. Never before a girl fell for me and told me. To be honest she was just a good friend to me but at that point i welcomed her to my heart, the part where i was waiting for someone and that urge and dream was fulfilled. Beautiful like a dutch rose which would never weather in my eyes, kept and stored so deep inside. Her voice was like a soft stream of a flowing river, and Eyes, how can i even explain those. Not all my works together can express how beautiful her eyes were. I was amazed that such an amazing girl fell for me, and that fact swept me off my feet. Oh those beautiful nights of december, i could go back and live them over and over again because they are the most beautiful time of my life. She actually was a princess, when i got her i felt i needed nothing more from life. My whole heart and soul were no more mine, i just lived for her and nothing else. Every moment felt like a dream. I kept pinching myself to make sure it was reality. Oh, everytime my phone rang with her name flashing on the screen my heart pounded harder and faster against my chest.
I knew I was in Love.

Well as they say not every story has a good ending, unfortunately mine was  a part of that. It all ended abruptly. I do not know what was she thinking for what she did to me but all that i knew was that i loved her and to me it was far above any mistake or any wrong done to me. It was a cure to all the poison the world had to give me.
I dreamed to wake up beside her all my life, when i open my eyes the first thing i wanted to see her face, gently go to her while she stays asleep, kiss her on her forehead and then went to down her nose and wake her up. Bring her breakfast to bed every morning with a rose, everyday of my life. Take her to places where she always dreamed to go, love her the way she always wanted to. I still remember i almost left for her hometown to meet her, lied to my parents, made up some story but then she stopped me. She made me promise. Oh she still owes me my first kiss and first hug and i am sure she has very much forgotten about everything.

You see shit happens, you love someone but they don't love you back. For you the person is the best memory while you are just an unsung story. She left, i was all shattered. I knew it would change me but change me this much as i am now, it's unbelievable. Everything in my life came crashing down after she left me, career, emotions, relations. Nothing is the same. I have become so so numb to emotions and things such as love, became so cynical towards everything in life and most importantly i have forgotten to smile.Smile from heart.
Unintentionally i have destroyed myself while on the other hand she seems to be happy falling love, having an amazing life. Oh yeah i am happy for her, but that doesn't change anything. It's going to be a year and i changed so much, while she stays the same and falling in love every now and then.
I guess i am the weak one unable to get over someone while she stands tough and strong.I cannot write anymore, i do not have the passion for music, passion for life. It all went away with her sadly and that is why we say friends, Never Lose Yourself In Someone because when the person leaves, You Lose It ALL.

Signing Out.


  1. Aw. Kid. This is the age. Things always get better with time. And I am speaking from experience. :-)

  2. Nothing really lasts forever, yea? And just when we think we have it all, we lose everything else also along with it!

    I just came across your blog :) I'm in love with it :) Will surely drop in again soon :)

    Take Care :)

  3. Zeba - Well i hope what you are saying is correct :)

    Philo - Agreed.Expectations are the root of every heartbreak ae ?

    I am glad you liked it :)
    Means alot.
    Thank You.

  4. Just read this! :) Like Zebs said, this is the age and I too speak from experience though I am very very much younger to you, bhai! It all passes away and one day, you'll appreciate yourself more and when you do, you'll be able to fall in love again :) Just believe in yourself and continue to do what is passionate to you. Expect. Dream. Live. If you are capable of loving a person even after they are gone, imagine how much you will able to appreciate the person who's with you? :) wait for it! :D And me is speaking all this as your younger sister! :D You can message me anytime, you know that right?