I

Night light in darkness
The air flowing through your hair
My reason of breathlessness
Allow me to love you of my share

Glance me with your eyes
Share in me as your thoughts
Indulge me as your addiction
Like my soul has been bought

We look at the cherry sky
While lying beneath its story
You see something else
While I, our glory.

Many stories of love
Sung and lost
I don't intend on preserving ours
Because love such ours are made
To be lived across.

Turn around to me
Let me gaze in your eyes
There lives someone's dream
There lives 'I'.

Her life and my soul

A step through the broken front door
into my room of heaven,
Every step away feels a distant shore
Hours seem to in arms of seconds.

If these dull dented walls could talk
They would tell your story,
How you ended up in a place like this
a place miserable with suffering and no glory.

I make way towards the stairs
their planks could crunch down with my cold feet
yet i am thankful to them
for taking me somewhere where i was complete

As i walk towards you i remember,
Remember your bright eyes in darkness of night,
Among the crowd of women selling their pride for money
I walked towards you and asked you to tell me your story ?

You looked at me with so much pain and smiled
Held my hand and brought me here,
You sat with me on bed and kept looking at me through the night
It was an amazing intoxicating atmosphere.

I am almost there
but the stairs seem to bend quite more,
Why is it trying to stop me ?
and why is there blood and glasses shattered on floor.

A voice echoes my name from behind
I turn around and see a woman,
She nods saying everything i didn't want to hear
She says there was a "madman".

I had no air to breathe suddenly
and i didn't want to cry
Didn't want to stench the happiness of her place with sadness
I turned around and kept walking towards you to say goodbye

I saw how he held her by hair and dragged her
From stairs to her room breaking her bangles,
All the while she looked at me and smiled
She was still in my sandcastle.

I walked into the shattered room
Nothing was the same to remember,
Blood quenched on bed where we lay together all night
Once it was warm with us in coldness of december.
 
I see her lying on the floor
and i see how he there took my life away from me
The broken vase beside you and your scars shouted
how you struggled to save me.

There was nothing left for me there
I stood outside the brothel
While they take you away in front of me
Blood on my hands and a very cold heart,
Tears iced in my eyes of your every scar

Who said love is when it stays with you all your life
Our story isn't incomplete nor our love
As i watch my world go by
I refuse say goodbye.

Stirs

My voice lost in someones happiness
Under warm sunlight i have no shadow,
I welcome the rose light at dawn
Everyday with pain agony and sorrow.

I fail everyday in making her happy
to her my small world's light is rainfall
I have given up everything i could gladly
Everything that defined me i parted from all.

When everything is gone
I am giving up bits of me slowly
For her sake i am barely holding on
Soon i will burn into ashes and just be a story
I even doubt that i'll last that long.

With every word from her lips
Wears out a little bit of my soul
Like in autumn the leaves from branches
and she always craves for more.

At once she says she's happy
another instant i am cursed,
Her use of words are so devastating
It's like whatever good i have done is reversed.

I now doubt my actions
Fear is now my closest friend,
because she doesn't like any emotion
Which doesn't starts and finishes at her end.

The truth is i cannot make her happy
I have given her everything i got
From promises to leave my birth existence
Everything for which i once fought.

So exhausted,
With her every word my faults are known
I do not know how to get rid of them
they are involuntary and not in my control.

I do not wish for death
Because somewhere i care for people beyond her
Which is something she cannot bear
Then is it death who stirs ?

Dormant

When do you plan to start again ?
You legs seem to not to move,
Yet you try to walk on broken glass
You try so hard yet you have nothing left to prove.

The rain pouring outside your window
You watched it fall drop by drop,
Now they are just some sound
Just like trying to crawl after you learned to walk.

You have been dormant long enough
Take a good look around,
Their souls eagerly wait
To feel and hear your imagination and its sound.

Show the colours and pictures in your head
Wrap them in your words like a warm winter blanket,
Keep your words simple like you always have
So that it even unfolds the mind of less fortunate.

You lack inspiration and emotion
so write about how it feels to be this,
it never has been penned to impress people
for you it is to express what your mind perceives .

It is time to try and get it all back
or just make a fresh start,
Love and pain is both in the air
and there's nothing in the world like that.

Bhai.

I don't know what i will do now
Now that you are gone,
This house feels so alone
How will i keep my mother strong ?

She loves you in such countless ways
Kept you away from any harm,
Treated you like her little baby
Even when you were all grown.

We fought so much
So much wrong things i said to you,
I don't know why i am not brave enough
To bow my head down and apologize right to you.

Please don't feel i won't miss you
because i already am,
Don't trust my expressions
because my tears are blocking my imagination.

I can't stop crying
thinking how am i going to survive without you
Those stupid fights
And those little things i brought just to fix things through.

Who is going to fix my computer,
Bhai ?
I will have no one to call to,
Who will understand my dreams
and make ammi abbu understand to

Ammi is going to miss you so much
I can't be her favorite,
I can't be what you are to her
and things you said to make her day.

Words can't explain how empty this house is
Who is going to complain about ammi's food ?
But you will still have it
When mom said "aao apne haat se khila du".

I know you are out there
To fulfill your dreams
And to fulfill mine,
Believe in yourself
because i am telling you
You're God's one amazing design.

I will try my best to keep ammi and abbu happy
But i won't be able to do what you did,
There is a reason they looked after you so much
Because you have a spectacular and magnificent gift.

Stay strong
and believe,
If someone cause you problem
I will come right down there and break his teeth.
You can count on me now
i will try my best

You have our duas
Please STAY SAFE.

No More.

I missed opportunities i will never get again, not because i wanted to but because i was lied to countless number of times.Somewhere the mistake stays mine, i grew up with a burning passion to fulfill my dreams and live the way i wanted to but how do i when your parents lie to you and basically doesn't give even a little importance to it.How do i when they pretend they care and make promises to just leave me when it is time to fulfill them ?

This passion of music, photography, writing and studying in a really good college were the only thing i wanted and loved the most after Allah and my parents.I lived my dreams in my dreams at night and sometimes daydreaming brought such immense satisfaction in me that nothing in the world ever can.I never wanted a car, or a motorbike or fancy cellphones or anything as such but life is quite the opposite i guess.Never even had a normal life or family, just a dysfunctional living through the day and helping my parents to just avoid fight and when they do i found myself in the crossfire and when it all ended i realized i have an exam tomorrow.What should i had done then ?
Leave them be just to hurt each other or could had left to concentrate on my studies ?
I couldn't opt for the latter because no matter what family is something much more important.Spent 8 years trying to solve their fights while my brother was their acting as a catalyst and provoking the fire with his tongue.Constant false promises finally ended my desire to study.I am at fault here to be honest because i relied on them a lot but what can a guy do when he is too occupied with fights almost all the years when he was supposed to work on his dreams and the funny thing is, i still am stuck there and when i played my part they always ditched me, left me with a broken dream and unfulfilled promise.
Music ?
Well that became a joke.Passion lost at its best and that is all i can say.Musicians Institute, California, application sent, got an audition and still i am here sitting here typing this down in this God forsaken house.
Photography, well to be honest i thank Allah for the gift he gave me in photography.Of course everything comes raw and you have to polish it but it also requires a lot of other factors in it like FREEDOM, TIME, and last but not least a CAMERA.I was 17 when i won few competitions in school and at state level but i guess that wasn't enough satisfaction for them.Now here i am 21 lost the eye for photography and the touch because promises made several times and not kept.
I have so much to say for once, so much held inside but can't find the right words to express.I am just living for one person now, Adrishi.I don't love her and that is the truth which she also knows but she loves me and that is more than enough for me to stick around with her.Honestly it is not pleasant always but i guess i have to, she deserves it plus i know her she is pretty suicidal when it comes to me.I've lost everything i always wanted, i don't want someone to feel the same.I know dreams and a person are a whole different thing but what if that is what you always wanted, you knew you could spend your whole life just living your dream ?
I am just a really really sad person filled with countless grief inside my heart trying to make a person happy but i guess i am failing at that as well.So many complaints and not being able to fulfill her expectations and countless compromises.I know my problem is not the worst, there are people who go through much more and telling myself that is how i get through the day, every single day.
I can't write anymore poems or stories because it all is just gone.So much worries, troubles and sadness has taken over me and no one can do a thing about it.Basically i am a cat who is crying over a spilt milk, which i will never ever get back again in my life.I feel so tired, so tired, waking everyday for no reason.

When i thought all is gone and lost and cannot be taken back lets just live through the day somehow, being with friends, hanging out, buying and doing small things for myself to stay away from reality,GOD disapproved me of it as well.Now my parents don't want that to happen with me as well.December month, this was the only time i could have gone out with my best friend to Delhi where we always wanted to go together since the start of our friendship.He will be leaving for his higher studies in the coming few months and i will be busy with my exams to get the degree my parents only want and basically after that we won't be able to meet for a really long time let alone going to a place we always wanted together and then comes my god damned internship and his job.Life requires logic to be lived in properly with a pinch of reality and this is what is mine.

I won't mind if i wake up dead tomorrow and don't live through the day.
Call me a person who complains a lot and whatsoever but in this misery trying to make others happy and making their problems go away, leaving friends is not a proper life for a guy who always lived with a burning passion for his dreams.

I thought i will feel good after typing all this but not even close, not even remotely close.
Who was i kidding ?
All of this won't change my reality.

I will live somehow thinking this is not the worst, it is yet to come and some are living it.

Last thought in his mind

She hurt him bad
So bad that he couldn't find himself again,
Each day became something to just get through
Nothing in his head and heart was the same.

The fire in his heart was put out
Like a burnt tree which can never catch a fire,
His pain was lost in the crowd
which he hid well and became a bold faced liar.

Everyone watched how he made others laugh
They said his pen truly expressed his emotions,
Truth was with her gone
He had lost just more than someone.

Behind his bold ideas of reality and laughter
He thought of ways to bury his heart
Tried keeping his feelings away from his broken smile
But from inside he was slowly falling apart.

She was there falling in love with someone else
Thinking of a new love in the depth of night,
While he was still there lying on his bed
Trying yet couldn't get her off his mind.

Time didn't heal his pain away
Tired of even getting betrayed by the greatest healer,
He knew it was a love that doesn't happen everyday
and without it he felt the end to be nearer.

With him lost his control of his heart and mind
With his fire burned down
With his failed attempts to leave the past behind
He only wishes to sleep buried deep in the ground.

Where thoughts of her won't reach him
not even the betraying time,
With nothing to believe in
Still he will leave with her as the last thought in his mind.